You’re wearing THAT? 27 January 2011

As promised, today’s post is the last installment of my NFL uniforms rant. Today, the worst looks in the league.

There was a lot of competition, but some teams stood out amongst their peers. One thing is for sure: The NFL doesn’t know a whole lot about fashion. Then again, we are talking about football teams. In any event, some teams never looked good from the start, but managed to improve their uniform with a “do-over.” I’ve already discussed those teams, like Denver and New England, that did a great job with the makeover. Other teams tried it and botched it (some of whom you’ll see below).  Still others never looked good and still don’t. Put them all together and you get the Top 10 Worst Uniforms in the NFL. Disagree? Post your top 10 in the comments section.

10. San Diego:  Again, I hate white helmets, as a rule. Some teams (Tennessee — both college and NFL) pull it off, but few others do. The Chargers have great ingredients — the dark blue, trimmed in yellow, is an awesome mix, along with the simple, but effective, lightning bolts. They’ve switched back and forth from the baby-blue jerseys of the ’60s to the dark blue of the ’70s and ’80s. I prefer the dark blue, because it used to match the blue helmet. But the switch from blue helmet to white ruined a perfect look.  And earned the Chargers the #10 spot.

9.  Carolina: Boring, ugly and disorganized, and the Panther on the helmet leaves a lot to be desired. An awful lot. Other than that, it’s fine.




8. Detroit: Another tinkering gone bad. The original unis looked classic. Then they started messing with the stripes on the sleeves and added some black. The result is a boring uniform that looks like it was designed by a junior high art class.





7. St. Louis: I won’t even comment about the fact that the nearest “ram” to St. Louis is about 500 miles west of the city. I didn’t have a problem when the team simply changed the colors from yellow to gold (after all, I remember the Roman Gabriel-era white and blue Rams), but the blue-on-blue combo and the “progressive” piping is too much. Simpler is better, people.




6. Baltimore: I like black. I like purple. I don’t like black and purple. And the Ravens get extra penalty points for not being able to decide on a helmet when the franchise got started. Granted, the abomination they wore originally needed to be changed, but that  crow’s head that looks like a taxidermy ad is only barely better.




5. Arizona: made the mistake of changing part of the uniform, but not all. Kept the 1950s helmet on a 20xx uniform. Looks like they got dressed then realized the manager left the cool helmets back in Phoenix.




4. Tennessee: Who decided that light blue and dark blue look good together?





3. Cincinnati: Never looked good to begin with. The original helmet looked like it was designed by someone just too lazy to come up with an idea. The new helmet, I’ll admit, is creative. I liked the stripes for a while, but then the cuteness wore off. Then, the Bengals re-did the uniform. With unfortunate results — it looks like it was put together in the dark.



2. Seattle: The Seahawks had the misfortune to be an expansion team. I say that because, for some reason, expansion teams and uniforms are — for whatever reason — a terrible combination. The original uniform was … ok. Certainly not awe-inspiring, but not hideous, either. Another one of the teams that mix closely related colors and sport the new-look jerseys that look more like bibs than jerseys, Seattle’s unis can hurt the eyes. Think not? Check this out. The new-look helmet is about the only improvement to a blah uniform that now looks even blah-er.



1. Buffalo: Where to begin? Ok, the original was pretty atrocious, no doubt. Along the way, the Bills updated their helmet, switching from white to red (good) and implying some action to the buffalo logo (also good), but then they got a little crazy with the new look. The result is too much blue, too many panels, too much piping, too much everything. Even the road uniforms look bad. Buffalo, like Seattle (and Cincinnati) didn’t know when to stop and didn’t think that less is more when it comes to uniforms. I actually turn their games off the TV because I can’t stand to look at them (and that has nothing to do with the way they play).



Honorable Mention: Minnesota: The Vikings cause me to invoke the blasphemy rule. The Vikings had one of the classic uniforms, once up on a time. Purple. A simple, cool helmet (Viking horns!) and classic white pants with side stripes. And numerous Super Bowl appearances. But they caved to the wave of “new uniforms” in the last 10 years and botched the job. I’ve seen hotel bellhop jackets with less piping.

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